A beautiful day. Instead of taking my usual metro stop home, I walked all the way to L'Enfant Plaza after working, listening to "Love Profusion" on Madonna's new album....

Stormed out of work today.

I'll quit soon. I swear.

Are people who live in Baghdad called Baghdaddies?

Today was my first day of my new M-F 7am-4pm schedule. I love it so much. I'm up at 5am, out the door by 6am, work, and then come home in time to watch the Golden Girls by 6pm.

Thats if I come home. I have every intention of reclaiming control of my social life. Now that I can plan to meet people, and dont get off work near midnight, I'll be damned if I'm only seeing people Saturday night!

Metro Fire Was Plotted, Al Qaeda Member Says (washingtonpost.com)

Oh.

Joy.

Its nearly 3pm...I've slept for over 18 hours. I have, of course, a splitting headache, but that doesn't keep me blasting music....

Yesterday was the unusual day I had expected. Michael did exactly what I knew he would do: He stood me up, and then tried to pin the blame on me. I've had it. I have absolutely had it. I refuse to roll over and let him make me feel like shit. The anger that built up in my throat, I felt like I could spit bile. It wasn't the being stood up part -- I really had no desire to go Velvet -- it was that he refuses to ever take responsibility for any of the reactions he causes in other people. He refuses to accept that people have different perspectives, refuses to offer an unqualified apology. And I'm tired of always being the bad guy. I know I'm not. I have had faith that he truly did care about me, but that faith has been systematically destroyed. I'm left with no other rational choice then to believe he is genuinely insensitive and wholy selfish to any emotional needs but his own. So I need him out of my life. I need him out of my existance forever.

I've needed this for a long time. Why is it so hard for me to face change? I've known for a very long time that him and I have nothing in common. His stories bore me to no end, I find his "insights" generic, contrived, and forced -- like a sophomore in college repeating back what he heard on the History channel. When I was around him, I was immediately on edge. My wit, my humor left me, as I was so worried that I would say something that he would take the wrong way. I dont want to be like that. I owe it to myself to rid my life of unhealthy influences. But I was too afraid to tell him that we should just part our ways, on civil terms, and now it has come to this. Unfortunately, Markie had to be the one to bear the brunt of my rage...my cursing, wishes for violent death upon him, and required self loathing. I'm very grateful to him for his patience. We spent most of Sunday together, with Peter and Adam and some other people in a day that can only be described as "odd." It was good to be around people, especially Markie, whose company I generally enjoy.

So hopefully I can shed that shroud of selfdoubt and hatred that accompanied my time with Michael. Maybe now, that there isn't anyone around to tell me how wrong and cold I am (besides myself) I can be the happy person I was only a year ago.

Maybe.